François Lelord, Christophe André – Comment gérer les personalités difficiles (How to manage difficult people) – my review
This is a book written by two French psychiatrists and psychotherapists. It helped me a great deal to understand various people in my family or my circle of acquaintances whose behavior was hard to take at times.
The personality types discussed here are: people with anxiety disorders, those with histrionic personality disorder, obsessional personalities, paranoids, narcissists, Type A personalities, schizoids, depressives, dependent, passive-aggressive and avoidant personalities.
The authors give concrete examples of patients’ stories (of course, without divulging their real names), they make a list of traits for each one of the disorders, so that they’re easier to remember, and they tell us what is advisable and what is not recommended in each case. They also use humor and anecdotes, which makes the book easier to read even for a neophyte like myself. At the end of each chapter there is a short quiz for the readers to see if they suffer from that specific disorder.
The causes of these disorders are also discussed: they can be genetic, educational or social (the environment can influence what one becomes). Therapy always helps, but the patient must be willing to undergo it and get better, and unfortunately not a lot of people are willing to improve themselves.
There are a few things we can do when we are forced to live with these personality types: first of all, we have to understand and accept them – they are like that for a reason. We should try to perceive the fear or vulnerability that underlies their behavior. We can help them change if they want to, for instance by recommending a good therapist and standing by them. We should not lecture them or scold them about their issues. We should accept the fact that it may take a long time to achieve any progress and that they may not change completely. Don’t back down when it comes to key aspects and draw a clear image of your own needs and limitations.
There are many individuals from all walks of life who suffer from one (or more) of these disorders and refuse the acknowledge it and go through life thinking that this is the normal way to behave, thus hurting themselves and others. The worst attitude is that of refusing to see your own issues and not seeking help. This is why we come across difficult personalities everywhere: in the workplace (especially in management positions), at home, on TV, in politics, etc. And then, there are the psychopaths – unfortunately, there is no cure for them … so far.
In my opinion, this work is brilliant, everybody should read it and put the tips into practice.
The personality types discussed here are: people with anxiety disorders, those with histrionic personality disorder, obsessional personalities, paranoids, narcissists, Type A personalities, schizoids, depressives, dependent, passive-aggressive and avoidant personalities.
The authors give concrete examples of patients’ stories (of course, without divulging their real names), they make a list of traits for each one of the disorders, so that they’re easier to remember, and they tell us what is advisable and what is not recommended in each case. They also use humor and anecdotes, which makes the book easier to read even for a neophyte like myself. At the end of each chapter there is a short quiz for the readers to see if they suffer from that specific disorder.
The causes of these disorders are also discussed: they can be genetic, educational or social (the environment can influence what one becomes). Therapy always helps, but the patient must be willing to undergo it and get better, and unfortunately not a lot of people are willing to improve themselves.
There are a few things we can do when we are forced to live with these personality types: first of all, we have to understand and accept them – they are like that for a reason. We should try to perceive the fear or vulnerability that underlies their behavior. We can help them change if they want to, for instance by recommending a good therapist and standing by them. We should not lecture them or scold them about their issues. We should accept the fact that it may take a long time to achieve any progress and that they may not change completely. Don’t back down when it comes to key aspects and draw a clear image of your own needs and limitations.
There are many individuals from all walks of life who suffer from one (or more) of these disorders and refuse the acknowledge it and go through life thinking that this is the normal way to behave, thus hurting themselves and others. The worst attitude is that of refusing to see your own issues and not seeking help. This is why we come across difficult personalities everywhere: in the workplace (especially in management positions), at home, on TV, in politics, etc. And then, there are the psychopaths – unfortunately, there is no cure for them … so far.
In my opinion, this work is brilliant, everybody should read it and put the tips into practice.